For the longest time, I didn’t know where this issue was coming from. I thought there was just a little hiccup in my diet and maybe things will return to normal. Every time I would eat something, it made me question it. It made me hate myself for eating it. I remember hearing a voice inside of my head telling me how disgusting it was to eat it and how disgusting I looked for eating it.
I was praying last night and wondered why I went into a depressive state. I didn’t know it at that time but I didn’t give my all to God. I suppressed a lot of my feelings instead of releasing it all to Him. I cried and wanted Him to fix my problems but I didn’t tell Him everything that was going on with me and just yesterday, at that moment in our conversation, I realized that this is one reason why we go into depression.
When the pandemic was at its peak, I was in between jobs. I just quit a job that gave me anxiety and depression I never thought I’d ever go through. I lost a strength in myself I never thought was possible. I left that job on prayer and faith. I left it not knowing when or what job I would get next.
It was difficult for a long time. When I finally got to that point of literally being able to cry out to God, I suppressed my memories so much that I didn’t know why I was crying.