I don’t know about you but this year has truly been a whirlwind. I mean, where do I start? From moving to another state, attending a new church, being a part of a women’s group, getting closer to God, trying to figure out what I’m supposed to do, learning to trust God wholeheartedly, to finally understanding and being content with where I am, and this is just the first half.
There’s so much that each of us have gone through that may have been tough or rewarding. It’s always great to reflect on how far you’ve come.
About a year ago, every time I was going through a stressful moment, I would hold it in and try to work through the situation myself. For the longest time, I felt like I really didn’t have anywhere to go nor anyone to talk to. People only see the glamorous side of being the only child but they don’t think about what it's like when you don’t have anyone that’ll understand you or whom you can talk to that’s your age.
It was difficult for a long time. When I finally got to that point of literally being able to cry out to God, I suppressed my memories so much that I didn’t know why I was crying.
I just felt like I could hear God saying, just let it out. It’ll come. This was also the Situational Depressive state I hit and didn’t know it. It felt like even though I had a roof over my head, my bills were paid, I had food to eat, I had a car to drive, and my dog was taken care of, I still felt as though that wasn’t enough. I was really begging God to undo the mistakes I made.
Since then it’s taken a year and a half to get through my depression, move away from home, and basically be alone with God for Him to truly rescue me from the tension that was going on within me.
Through all of this, these are the three things I’ve learned about myself:
It’s okay to fail. When I failed, I chose what God had for me instead of what I thought I wanted. I began to trust, listen, and obey God and the more I did that, the more responsibility He gave me. God gives us what He knows we can handle at that time. The more I trusted God, the more I listened to Him. The more I listened to Him, the more I obeyed Him.
I kind of look at this as going up the ladder. The more you do what you’re supposed to do, the more you’ll excel up the ladder, unlocking more of what God has in store for you. Of course, each time you move up, there will be new issues that come your way. I know you’ve heard of “new levels, new devils.” Know that God will be there to guide you through.
Keep Your Head in the Game. There have also been plenty of times where I wanted to retreat backwards because where God was taking me was too painful. I no longer had a job, I was barely making it but each and every time, He made a way for me to pay my bills. I never knew how it was going to happen but a sense of peace came over me and I knew that everything was going to be just fine.
Everytime I wanted to give up, God was telling me not to. Everytime I applied for a job, God blocked it. These are just a few scriptures I kept reading and praying every day:
Psalm 23:3, Psalm 77, Psalm 78, Psalm 86:7-10, Psalm 115:9-15, and Psalm 126.
Use What You Have. It’s hard to see what you already have when you’re constantly looking at what someone else has. I’ve learned so much about using what I have. I’ve learned how to stay up-to-date with social changes even though a lot of my clothes are a little dated. I surely have a lot of them and why not use that to my advantage.
What I’m saying is, in this business you can get lost but it’s important for you to stand out..especially if that’s what you’re trying to do. You want to create a lane and a name for yourself that will differ from the rest. I’ve always said that if I’m going to put my all into something, I want to make sure that I’m being different.
I hope this wasn’t super long but I hope you shedded a tear...jk. I really hope that this made you think about your life and what has happened and how much you’ve conquered over these past months. You deserve to be happy with how far you’ve come.